Getting back into shape

Two words – it’s hard!  So I just did a great Zumba workout.  And it feels so good.  Don’t ask me how I feel tomorrow or the next day when my joints and muscles are screaming!  For now, it feels so good, so I’m going with that.  Anyhoo, I dared to look at myself in the mirror as I worked out.  As I tried to do the Zumba steps in time with the DVD, I should say.  I was able to see my “abs” (wouldn’t call them abs like they’re tight or enviable, they most certainly are not, but technically they are my abdominal “muscles”).  They look nothing like the abs on the people on the DVD.  No surprise there.  Did they ever???  But I will use the excuse of having a baby less than 4 months ago.  So to sum it up, as I worked out and watched the pros on the DVD and watched myself in the mirror, I thought – there are no real similarities here, just me looking crazy as I try to imitate them.  I could have given up and walked away.  I could decide not to do this workout again because I don’t look like I used to in the abs or the thighs, hips or buttocks (I used to look better, but not quite as good as the people in the DVD!).  I can’t seem to keep up with an aerobic workout the way I used to.  And truthfully, I’m not the great dancer I once thought I was, though it depends on the crowd.  (You know how that goes, right?  Certain crowds, you’re a great dancer and everyone is copying off you! And with other folks, you’re mediocre at best.) 

But walking away disappointed and frustrated at this hopefully temporary stage of my body would be the easy way out.  As easy as it would be to stop this Zumba thing and sit down with some cookies (love, love cookies), I’m more interested in getting back into shape and losing enough pounds to get at least close to my pre-pregnancy weight.  These workouts, the frustration of looking in the mirror, the disappointment with where I am now will be worth it in the end.  I want to wear some of my old clothes and feel normal again!  And if it means I have to look crazy, then so be it.  Maybe I just won’t look in the mirror as I work out – wise idea, if I do say so myself.  Does anyone think they look good doing this stuff?  And I certainly won’t go to a live Zumba class until I have these steps down.  Or at least close to “down.”  But when I do go, and I will, I plan to laugh at myself, enjoy it, and get in a good workout.  Who cares how I look if I’m having a good workout and enjoying myself?  That’s how I’ll get back into shape, not worrying about how I look, but just getting into the workout.  And if I have that determined, concentrated frown on my face that my husband says I have when I dance (let’s face it, I need to focus as I watch other people and copy off them!), then c’est la vie.  Like Bobby Brown says, “It’s my prerogative, I can do what I wanna do!”  It’s more fun that way anyway, letting go, going with the flow and just enjoying yourself.  The getting into shape part and the losing weight part will come more easily, don’t you think?  Let’s hope so.  Keep hope alive!  I’ll keep you posted . . .

Going with the flow

There’s something about going with the flow that’s important right now.  It should be important always, but I forget and start doing things and trying to arrange/fix outcomes and trying to stay in control . . . it’s exhausting.  What is refreshing and rejuvenating and peaceful is simply going with the flow.  It’s not all that simple.  But it becomes mandatory when you just can’t get it all done and you’re becoming increasingly frustrated about it.  There are lots of times in life like that.  Right about now, mine is new motherhood.  I just can’t get everything done that I used to.  Running 5 errands in an hour – please.  Getting out of the house quickly with everything I need, I wish!  I can never remember it all.  So I go with the flow – when I forget something, it’s okay, I may have to run home for it, return home earlier than I had hoped, or just suck it up and buy a “new one” while I’m out!  Knowing that it’s not the end of the world that I forgot something or that I won’t get all the dishes or wash done today is part of that going with the flow.  How can I remember to do that all the time?  By taking it day by day.  There’s no other way!  Each day, I just have to breathe in and out and remember that whatever happens is meant to occur and I control very little in the grand scheme of things.  That realization is one that can help me to relax and enjoy the moment.  There are too many precious moments each day to enjoy, so why try to stop the flow of life, of the world, of everything!  Just go with it!!

Getting back in shape with Zumba!

I’ve seen quite a few of these commercials about Zumba Fitness and as you may have noticed in a previous post, I’m into new fitness crazes!  So off I go – I’m going to try to lose my pregnancy weight by working out with Zumba.  At home, of course.  I don’t think I’m ready for a class with other people watching yet!  I’ve got 10 definite pounds to lose, 20 if I really want to do it right and fit into all my pre-pregnancy clothes.  I’ll bet you do that too – have a real weight loss goal and then one that would be just alright! 

So I tried the intro and basic DVD for Zumba over the past weekend.  At least I borrowed it from my sister and didn’t jump in and buy the box set without knowing if I’d like it.  Progress!  Anyway, who knew I was SO out of shape after just 9 months of pregnancy.  I can’t believe my inability to move!  I used to be quite active and able to do these types of workouts.  2-3 hours of singles tennis w/hubby was nothing.  Not anymore.  Sigh.  Why am I telling this silly little story about Zumba?  Because I was doing just fine with the instructors teaching the steps in “Easy Step” 1, 2, 3 format at first.  I even tried to do the dance with them in the first demo before they broke it down.  Though my husband thinks I’m not that great of a dancer (he’s supposedly the good dancer of the 2 of us, but that’s another post), I think I’m pretty good at following along with these steps and routines.  Hey, I was terrific at my step aerobics classes back in the day!  I have witnesses!  (That’s you, Andrea and Ariane!)  But back to my story . . .

I got to this one salsa type step and I did it just fine along with them on the initial demo.  But then they had to break it down.  And I swear they added another step in the breakdown that’s not there in the version that’s up to tempo!  How come I can do it fast but not slow?  All of a sudden I remembered one of my old piano teachers, Dr. Strouse, telling me that if you can’t perform it correctly slowly then it doesn’t matter if you can do it fast.  Oh the memories. 

Believe me, I started to just fast forward the DVD to the next step, but I felt myself needing to conquer it!  I also felt myself breathing hard and sweating profusely, but that’s to be expected when all you did was walk slowly as your form of exercise for almost a year.  Did I mention that I was pregnant just a few short months ago?  Why did I need to conquer Easy Step 2, darn it?!  And why did I have to do it over and over again to get it right slow when I could do it correctly at the right tempo without thinking?  You might be thinking that I didn’t really have it right on the fast version.  I thought that too but quickly dispelled that ridiculous thought!  Ha!  I told myself – you must master this, you can’t let it beat you, not on your first time out trying this Zumba Fitness craze. 

Alas, I found that I was doing a slightly different version of the correct step and just needed to make a very small, minor, insignificant adjustment to get it right.  Perseverance!  I read a sign once that said perseverance is sticking to something you’re not stuck on.  There it is, so deep, so true.  So I wasn’t stuck on repeating the same darn step so many times, but I stuck to it.  The real question is, will I be able to do it right (fast or slow) when I turn on that DVD again???  Yes, it’s been a couple days . . . okay, 4 days, but who is counting?  Did I mention I was pregnant?  The baby is here now and she takes quite a bit of my attention  .  .  . excuses, excuses.  Smile. 

If you’re wondering where the moral is in this one, or the big insight, I’m not sure there is one – I just wanted to get back to writing this blog and this is what was on my mind the past couple days!

Why am I not as excited about getting this as I thought I’d be?

Have you ever worked so hard for something, prayed for it or wished for it really fervently and then when you got it said, “Eh, it’s just alright”?  Maybe you waited so long for it, there’s no excitement left about it!  Been there, done that.  I just accomplished something at work that I’ve been waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting on . . . for forever it seems.  Six years at this job.  That’s not forever, clearly, but it can feel like it.  And I thought I would be oh so excited about it when it happened.  I thought I’d tell everyone, talk about it a lot, be so happy and grateful and pleased.  And I’m grateful, yes, and a little happy.  But it feels like it doesn’t really matter at this point; it should have happened long ago and now that it did, it’s just recognition of what should have happened long ago.  And I find myself a little annoyed at people who are acting like “oh, it’s so wonderful, Nicole, you’re so deserving” when I feel like I was deserving years ago.  Good things come to those who wait, yeah, yeah . . . 

So of course I need to get out of this state of mind!  I don’t want to begrudge God the gift he gave me of allowing the accolade to happen at work.  It would not, could not have happened without Him.  I don’t want to seem ungrateful for something like this because it doesn’t happen to everyone.  Here’s how I’m coaching myself out of this one (yes, I said “coaching” not “coached” because I’m still workin’ on it!):

1. I’m trying to concentrate on a few lessons learned in this process:  (a) perseverance is a tough but worthy effort because your hard work will be recognized by someone at some point so don’t give up; and (b) your path is your own – it does NOT matter how long it took you to do something as compared to someone else. 

2.  I’m remembering that God loves me and there was a purpose in my having to wait for this.  I don’t know what that purpose is just yet, but I’m confident it will be made known to me through prayer.

3.  Waiting and not getting everything you want or think you need right away reinforces patience and trust in God that what is meant to happen will happen in due time.  I used to sing in a church choir where the director would say “in divine time” and I love to use that with others when questions surface about when something is going to happen.  Since my husband and I have been married 3 years now, many people have asked us when we are going to have a baby.  We definitely want one and it will happen in divine time.  There’s no use getting mad about it not happening earlier because that’s not going to make it happen any sooner!  Same thing is true with this promotion, it happened on God’s timeline.

4.  Things just seem to work out at the right time:  I’m going to have some major expenditures coming up fairly soon and this little bump in pay came at just the right time!

5.  A little shift in focus is what the doctor ordered!  Actually, it’s what God ordered.  Instead of focusing on how this should have happened long ago (I mean, really, Nicole, based on #1-4 above, should it have???), how about focusing on how wonderful it is that the day is here??  If I think back to how I imagined I’d feel when I got that promotion I worked for, I remember how I said I’d be so thankful for it, so excited about it, and I probably thought about how much I’d praise God for it.  Where’s the praise, sistah?  Just because it didn’t come on your timeline.  Well, isn’t that interesting.  So, my focus from here on out is to be how great God is, how He answered my prayer, how He recognized my efforts, patience and perseverance (even if I had a few fits along the way!), and being as happy about it as I thought I’d be all those years ago.  Childlike glee is my goal!

What’s happening in your life that you’re not as excited about it as you thought you’d be initially?  Will any of this help you to be more grateful and excited?  Will it help you praise Him for how good He was to you?  I hope so – He deserves the praise!

Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it? Hogwash!

You know the old saying.  You’ve probably used it before.  I know I have.  And it strikes me that it’s not all that nice a thing to say because it usually has a negative connotation:  you might not want to ask for that because what if you get it, you might regret it.  For example, there have been times when I’ve said I want to have kids and others (they have children, of course) have responded with - be careful what you ask for, soon you’ll have them and you’ll see what hard work it is!  Or what about this – you say you want that promotion, but don’t ask because it’s going to be a lot more work.  Not really encouraging, is it?  Yet, we use this saying all the time without even thinking of how negative and discouraging it is to the person hearing the comment.  I think these types of sayings can cause people to fear what might happen if you ask for something you really want and that’s no good at all.  Why should we be afraid of asking for what we want?  Yes, it could be bad, but why not concentrate on the fact that it just might be good?  Better than good – great, fantastic, terrific, wonderful, absolutely SUPER!  Living a life full of fear is restrictive and unrewarding.  It sounds like I’m blowing the little saying out of proportion, I know (I can hear you thinking it!), but the thing is, this is just one small way that some of us live in fear.  Fear of what might happen.  In doing so, we live a life that’s much smaller and more restricted than the life we could be living!  I submit to you that if you really want something, you’ve pondered it and decided you want it – GO FOR IT!!!

What’s the worst that could happen if you ask for what you want or go for what you want?  You might get it – wonderful!  You might get it partially – you’re still better off than when you didn’t ask.  And the final option, you might not get it at all.  Well, at least you asked.  You get KUDOS on being courageous enough to step outside of the shell and ask.  If you asked and you didn’t get it, you’re no worse off than before!  I know I’ve said it before, but it’s like my parents always say, “Nothing beats a failure but a try!”  One of my favorite sayings indeed.

I can hear the naysayers – I don’t want anyone to know that I want that because what if they think badly of me because of that or talk about me behind my back because of it or even worse, rub it in if I don’t get it.  We can talk about eliminating those types of bad influences in another post!  In fact, check out some of my previous posts on these same issues.

I just wanted to follow up on my most recent post to share what happened when I opened up to my family and friends about finding coaching clients for my certification process.  After all that procrastinating about sending emails to my friends and family about coach certification and my need for clients (see last post) because I was worried about what to say, about asking for too much and about feeling like I would be putting upon people too much, guess what?  After I sent the emails, I felt relieved!  And I don’t feel bad about asking for help either.  That’s the great thing – there’s no regret.  If some people felt put upon, they didn’t tell me.  (Not yet anyway . . .)   And I received a great deal of good wishes, so that felt fabulous!  Even for those who didn’t respond, I’m choosing to believe that they are quietly supportive.  Who knows, maybe they’ll voice their support later on or maybe they sent it on to their network w/o telling me and it will lead to a client down the line in the future.  Wouldn’t that be terrific?!

I feel so blessed by the supportive response and just wanted to share my testimony with friends and family because this is what it is truly all about!

Asking For Help

Today I’ve been procrastinating about sending notice to my family and friends about starting my coach certification next month.  I had the idea to send out emails to family, friends, colleagues and even acquaintances as a way to let them know and as a way to drum up some clients.  Yet, it’s a few days later and I haven’t done it yet.  WHY????  The certification process is important to me and I’m really glad to be getting going on it since I finished my courses in coach training with CTI last June.  And I’m proud to be starting it and taking another step towards my goal.  So why on earth am I finding lots of other things to do – including watching movies I have seen before on cable! – instead of handling this important task.  I say important because usually your friends and family want to know about the things going on in your life, so it’s important to let them know.  And it’s important to me to let them know, not only because of that, but also because I need practice clients for certification and spreading the word is a means toward getting that type of support.  So what on earth is holding me back??

After I pondered it some more, I realized that in sending this email, I am asking for help.  It’s not something I find myself having to do all that often.  I pride myself on being able to handle my business.  You know – I don’t ask for money from anyone and I don’t expect a great deal of assistance from anyone.  I like being able to rely on me, so I don’t really ask people for help all that often.  Well, that’s not quite true when it comes to asking for directions when I’m lost on the road, but we won’t talk about that!  Other than directions and asking where something is in a store, I like to take care of things myself.  It’s easier, I think.  If you don’t rely on anyone, they won’t let you down, right?  And, maybe, just maybe, if you don’t ask other people for help, they won’t ask you for help.  Ever felt that way before?  I’m sure both of those thoughts have crossed our minds a time or two. 

But it’s not the driving force behind my procrastination today.  Today, it’s that I will be asking people to do more than the simple lending an ear for a few minutes to talk or giving me a good restaurant suggestion.  Today I’ll be asking for more of a commitment.  What if people are turned off by email?  What if it doesn’t work?  Yes, these are thoughts I’ve had about it.  But in the end, I’m deciding to go forward anyway.  Hey, I won’t know if people are turned off by it because they probably won’t say.  Let’s hope!  And I shouldn’t be held back by what others think.   So I won’t be.  And as my parents like to say, “Nothing beats a failure but a try.”  In other words, I won’t know if it will work if I don’t try.  So I’m off to send these emails asking for support in my certification process.  It can’t hurt to be vulnerable once in awhile and to ask for help.  Some people love to help.  In fact, I’m one of those people that loves to help others.  That’s one of the main reasons I’m becoming certified.  Ahh, the irony that I love to help others but don’t relish asking for help myself.  

What are some of the steps you can take to stop procrastinating and ask for help when you need it?  One way is to really consider why you’re holding back and not asking for help.  Could it be any of the reasons above, like fear or uncertainty about what others will think?  I challenge you to consider how much fun it is to live your life based on what others think.  I submit to you (using the legalese here!) that it’s no fun and more importantly, it’s not you being you.  Being authentic is truly freeing.  What would you do if you didn’t have the concern about what others think?  It comes down to this: we all need help sometimes.  And it’s okay to ask for it every now and then.  Those who love you won’t mind you asking for it.  Now I’m off to ask family, friends, colleagues – heck, everyone I know! – for help in supporting me through this process.  I trust they won’t mind!!!

Boredom – finding value in it

I read an article recently on boredom and the author wrote about how persons who are bored die earlier.  The author spoke of extreme boredom, not average daily boredom that we all experience.  But it made me think about whether there is some value in the boring moments of our lives.  Boredom can lead to alcoholism, drug use, overeating – I will admit that I have the strongest urge to eat when bored.  I started thinking about when I get bored and why.  And when I considered writing this post, I thought about what I could do to get “unbored” to coin a new term.  I was in a meeting at work at the time I started thinking about blogging on this and suffice it to say I was bored.  Really bored.  I wondered if there was a different perspective I could have about my boredom.  I could track it – when am I most bored?  For me it is when I am not challenged, when I’m not busy, when I’m not connecting with someone or something.  During the meeting, it helped to focus on something in the topic being discussed that could be of interest to me.  For example, I like learning new things, so I tried to focus on learning something new.  Did it work?  Yes!  Well, for a little while anyway . . .

But that started me thinking – maybe it’s okay to be bored every once in awhile.  Our minds are so busy and so engaged by technology.  There’s cell phones and email at our touch 24/7.  We rarely do one thing at a time.  We’re in a meeting and checking email at the same time.  We’re driving and talking on the cell phone at the same time – even if you do it with a bluetooth, it’s still multitasking!  We’re talking to someone and thinking of something else at the same time.  When do we ever just sit and do nothing?  And is that boring?  Even if it is, there could be some value in it – rest is something that comes to mind.  If you’re sitting and looking out the window at nature, appreciating it, certainly there is value in that!

So the next time you’re “bored” take some time to breathe, look outside, look up at the sky, look at the wonder all around you and see if you can’t find some energy or excitement in that.  You might surprise yourself!

The 10-pound issue

I was having lunch with a friend the other day and the waiter asked if we wanted bread.  Normal question, not a big deal.  I said yes, but I asked him to bring it out with the rest of the food.  Why?  Any “Weight Watcher” knows the answer to that!  I’d love to say that I have the self-discipline and control not to eat all the bread staring at me and calling my name (they say it like this:  you know you want me, honey, with a little southern drawl to boot).  But the fact is, when I’m in my right mind in terms of eating healthy, I still need a little help.  And that was my way of being healthy in that moment – asking for the bread to be brought out with the rest of the food so that I wouldn’t eat 3-4 pieces before my actual lunch came.  So my friend says – “If I didn’t know you better and hadn’t seen you, I’d think you were 300 pounds the way you talk.”  I guess that means I talk about food and weight loss alot? 

So I told her, “It’s the 10-pound issue.”  What’s that?  I’m always trying to lose 10 pounds.  Maybe at a good point in my weight life, I wanted to lose just 5-7 pounds, but right now it’s 10.  And let’s face it, the “10-pound issue” sounds better.  But I digress.  The fact is – I think about what I eat, what I weigh, what I shouldn’t be eating, how I need to exercise more, and on and on, excessively.  OK, no need to judge it, how about just a lot?  There’s a factual, non-judgmental observation for ya!  And I realize it’s something that I talk about a lot too.  Others not only notice it, they’re probably tired of it too, just like I am!  Maybe the “I’d think you were 300 pounds” comment was a way of saying – stop talking about it.  Maybe it seems like I’m fishing for compliments when I bring up my desire to lose 10 pounds (or 5-7, smile), but I’ve thought about this and it’s really not an attempt on my part to get a compliment.  No, it’s much deeper than that.  It is part of my vocabulary.  Insert big sigh here.

Addressing the 10-pound issue and working toward not feeling like I need to lose those 10 pounds is a worthy goal.  I’ll work on that, too, but since that might take longer and more effort, I think I’ll also work on taking the weight loss talk right out of my vocabulary.  Perhaps that’s the first step in the larger goal above.  If I stop talking about it, maybe I can stop thinking about it.  I’ll tell you, it worked before when I had to learn to stop talking about the boss I couldn’t stand for so many years.  Once I stopped talking about it to my friends and family, I started to think about it a little less, and a little less, until finally the only time I’d talk about it or really focus on it was when others asked me how things were going with that boss.  I’d say, “the same” and be ready to move on because I really didn’t care to spend any time or energy on her.  Now I’m going to try employing that method with my “weight loss/exercise talk.”  Every time I start to say something to someone about it, I’m going to stop myself and change course.  And every time I start to think about it, I’m going to try thinking of something else, too.  And maybe, just maybe this first step will help me make progress in addressing the 10-pound issue and finally realizing that I don’t have 10 more pounds to lose.  I’m where I am and that’s fine – no resistance.  Off I go to think greater thoughts!!

How the book “Dear John” made me think of accepting people in a new light

Have you ever accepted someone completely and totally?  Is that what love entails?  These are questions that came to me while reading “Dear John” this past Valentine’s Day weekend.  Instead of the love story – which is what I read it for – it was the relationship between the main character, John, and his father that hit me so hard.  It took John a lifetime to understand and accept his father for all his quirks and the distant relationship they had due to the father’s affliction with something similar to Asperger’s.  And once he truly had accepted it, his father became sick and started dying.  How sad is that??  And that wasn’t even the main storyline. 

As I think about some of the people I have loved, some of the people I couldn’t love because of their personality traits, and some of the people I struggle to love because I feel like it’s what I should do (but it’s not my first thought, believe me), it strikes me that part of my frustration hails from a lack of acceptance of people’s shortcomings.  It’s not surprising given my previous posts on saying good-bye to toxic friends and distancing myself from people when they have “wronged” me.  I’m starting to think I might not be so willing to move on or distance myself when I learn to accept others for who they truly are – all of them, the good and the bad.  We do it with people we really like.  We do it with spouses.  I can remember my brother-in-law, Chris, telling me why he and my sister had such a solid relationship – because she accepts him for exactly who he is.  So why can’t we accept people we don’t particularly like?  Maybe there is a trait we are overlooking because we are so focused on the trait we dislike so intensely.  I know I’ve done it.  Maybe the more Christian way is to accept the person for who they are at that point in life (because we all change and evolve) and focus on the good in them.  That’s what John eventually did – focused on how much his dad loved him, how his dad took care of him and did the best he could.  It’s probably easier with people who have done so much for you in life.  But for those people who it isn’t easy to love, maybe we have to try harder.  Maybe we have to try to understand them, to forgive them their weaknesses and to hail their strengths.  This kind of approach could go a long way in helping people relate to one another.  My father likes to tell me – try to see the good in a situation or a person.  I’ll tell you, it is infinitely more pleasing and gives me a much higher energy level to do that than to focus on the negative or what bothers me about a situation or a person.  Instead of concentrating on what someone can’t do (can’t love me right, doesn’t treat me well, won’t give me respect, etc.), why not concentrate on what someone can do and has done and pray for when the person will be able to do what it is you’re in search of.  It might never happen, but then again, it just might.  Either way, the journey – which is what it is really all about if you think about it – will be that much smoother.  Acceptance of life as it comes and the people who are in it is a much easier and more peaceful path.  If you want to read more about that, I highly recommend Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth:  Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” – if it’s the right time and you really consider it, it will change your life.

Can you move on from friendships with grace?

Ever had a friendship that came to its natural end but you just couldn’t seem to move on?  I’ve struggled with that recently because it’s hard to let go of someone with whom you once were so close.  The things that once were cute or you didn’t notice are now hard to deal with, see, hear.  And what if this friend is tied into a network of your friends or in a social group that you hang with and enjoy.  What if it’s your tennis team or book club – do you just stop participating because you don’t want to be around that person anymore?  It’s difficult and I find myself thinking about it, analyzing it, worrying about losing the network of friends developed over the course of years.  How do you just let go and move on and why do that – can’t you just tolerate someone because you have this history?  Shouldn’t you?

I’ve certainly gone through my share of close friends over the years because I’ve changed jobs, moved cross country, shifted my life view, etc.  All of these changes in my life meant changes in the persons who were close to me with the exception of my immediate family.  Of course we’ve heard the saying “to everything there is a season” and we can point to examples of that everywhere.  But I’ve been frustrated with accepting that when it comes to friendships, partly because you hear about people who have been “best friends since the 3rd grade” or “the closest friends for 30 years.”  I was starting to think there was something wrong with me because other than my mom and my sisters, I haven’t been best or closest friends for anyone for that long! 

Instead of making myself out to be the bad guy (ok, girl), I am choosing to accept the reality that friendships come and go and it doesn’t make me any less of a person.  And it doesn’t make the friend any less either, no matter who decided to “move on.”  So how do you move on gracefully?  Do you tell the person – I’m moving on?  Do you let them know through your actions that you’re not interested in being close anymore?  What do you say if they confront you?  Surely you can’t tell them it’s their irritating voice or habit of complaining all the time or not listening to you or always thinking/talking about him/herself.  And if you say you’ve evolved, now you’ve made them out to be stuck in a rut or something while you’re blossoming.  Or you might talk about it incessantly with your spouse, other friends, family members and wear them out on the topic! 

I think I’ll rely on part of the message I heard from Bishop Blake at West A on Sunday to relieve me of the guilt of wanting to move on from a friendship that is just not serving my needs anymore.  The sermon was about components of a testimony (more on that in another post) and the ark of the covenant, also known as the ark of the testimony.  Bishop Blake described the golden pot of manna that was placed in the ark and the fact that God provided manna to the Israelites in the desert to sustain them when they had no food.  They could only collect manna for the day, however, not hoard it for days afterward.  If they saved it overnight (except on the eve of the sabbath), it would breed worms and develop a nasty smell.  Sometimes when you hold on to something that you’re supposed to let go, it spoils.  Applying that to friendships, if you hold on to one that has clearly run its course, it does start to smell a bit and it starts to bother you and you may think about it more than other things that might be more important.  That’s what I have been doing.  I need to just let it go and move on.  With grace, which for me means not harping on it internally or talking about it incessantly until I can’t talk about it anymore.  I’m going to try that.